The 3rd Dimension – So little to say and so much time!!!


Early college was weird; dreams weirder
August 13, 2009, 7:00 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Every time I have a dream about college and I wake up I play “use somebody” by kings of leon in my head as the perfect wrap up song to my dream sitcom. I don’t know why I just thought about it now since my college dreams have only come up two or three times a year a year or two ago but I found it interesting how when I think about early college I get grossed out while I go into fantasy mode when I think about “ideal party” college.

It’s probably been about 4 years since I’ve left college and when I think about early college like the first few months to first 2 years I’ve always found that point somewhat awkward. You are basically still – a child – going off to start your life with a bunch of strangers (if you lived away from home). You probably had every mono colored thing from Target like the soap holder and all kinds of “MADE FOR COLLEGE” gear by whatever generic American X company. In a way it felt like an almost inorganic unnatural cattle herded kind of existence where you just start all over again with all sorts of cheap 1 year sleepover party gear. I loved college but the only thign that grosses me out was the equipment. The generic college towel racks and pillows and toothbrush holders and desk accessories etc etc… As a male I never was really into form more function, substance over style, but any male knows that at a certain point man (and women) are manifest fragments of the source god and god is art since art is the ultimate expression of god’s creativity and spontanaiety so therefore man needs art. Thus man is not satisfied with matching light blue and light red polyester forms and entities on their desk. Man wants wood and stone and organics that remind them of the beauty of nature and are in harmony with the world. Living in a plastic reality just doesn’t suffice. I think the weird early gear alone made college weird. An example illustration below…

I’ve been roaming around always lookin down at all I see.
Painted faces fill the places I can’t reach.
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you
And all you know and how you speak
Countless lovers undercover of the street
You know that I could use somebody
You know that I could use somebody
Someone like you

The tune of the song is great for the ideal college dream. That for some reason –  as absurd as my dreams are – don’t give me that weird feeling like early college does. A wise man once came up to me and asked me, “what is college?”. OK he didn’t really come up to me but my answer is the same regardless, “a place where you find a new chick you want to screw; around every corner; every 5 minutes – on the dot!”.  In my dreams there is always a beach party, I live at the near top floor of a huge resort hotel with a big jade dark green room (not sure why one of my college dreams generated that look), where I go on the grassy hills and look over in the distance and see another random woman I never met before that I want to screw, where on my way to buying college books I see Perry Farrell from Jane’s Addiction in a niche inside a wall on an urban street – shirtless;playing a drumset – and he tells me something in a really high pitched voice which I don’t remember, where I go into the WalMart and it’s filled with college students and more people I want to screw, and where every time I wake up from this dream the tune for “use somebody” starts playing in my head to wrap up the experience perfectly.

Off in the night while you live it up I’m off to sleep
Waging wars to shake the poet and the beat
I hope it’s gonna make you notice
I hope it’s gonna make you notice
Someone like me
Someone like me
Someone like me
Somebody


Back when I was in college I settled on my major fairly late and even before then I knew I always wanted to go into computing somewhat so I was always in class and lab mostly for every year after the first. This didn’t leave much time for self development at all and I was always playing games on my computer to relieve the stress and pressure from the day. In that sense I don’t think I’ve really resolved the college experience the way I would have wanted to – the one where I “play” with about half the city’s females before I pack up and breath deeply saying to myself, “Ahhh I’ve done what I wanted to accomplish here…” and leave forevermore. I kind of came in as an awkward child and kind of left as an awkward child with not much to show for it besides a degree that says I survived a 4 year obstacle course.



Regression
August 12, 2009, 7:00 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

So I cut my hair a few days back since I’m done finding out who I am. I had Taco Bell again for like the 9th night (non consecutive) over the last 3 weeks. First the ground beef and then moving on to juicy steak. I’ve also started playing Diablo II Median XL mod for most of the night for the past 2 months. Just like how things used to be. And I’m regressing. And I’m happy. My introspective time was not a waste at all though – I took a lot of useful things back while dumping out all the junk. Now I’m back where I was but all the better for it. Kind of like in a game where you visit one area, power up in 4000 harder areas, and then come back to where you started just to pwn everything :-).

I don’t feel like doing anything at the moment – just feel like enjoying what is. And speaking of what is I’ve started trying meditations upon waking up and trying to sleep again. I know that’s not how you’re supposed to do it but it feels good and it helps with the sleep so there. Besides if I pull it off right I can almost slip straight into semi lucid-dream mode which is pretty cool since I don’t have to “try” as hard. I found a really great down to earth no lotus sh*t explanation of why people meditate and how it is useful. Click the below and scroll down to chapter 1 and read it:

http://www.urbandharma.org/udharma4/mpe1-4.html (read the chapter 1 part)

So you’re too lazy to read chapter 1 I figured you were. Why should we meditate then? Because in my own interpretation of chapter 1 it helps us break the cycle of joy and sorrow. We always want to have fun but we find the party always ends eventually. No matter how much we try to cling onto happiness and joy they eventually always slip away from us.  Fun events are tragic for me because I know when time passes – and time passes faster for me – they will come to an end. Everything starts and ends – I am faced with the futility of trying to stop change and the passage of time – truths of our universe. Thus by meditating we can learn to appreciate life when we are not having a good time. We can learn to detatch ourselves from always needing “good” events to feel like our lives are “good”. We are always so dependent and attached to being secure and having more but no matter how much we have and how much we appreciate how much we have and how much more we get it is NEVER ENOUGH. Thus it is yet another chinese finger trap concept at play – the more we cling to what we deem good the more we suffer. By learning to release our tendency to label event a as a “good thing” and event b as a “bad thing” do we come closer to merging into the underlying TRUE love and joy that makes up the fabric of life. Happiness is always our end because in truth pure love and happiness is the underlying force that materializes our world into a form we call 3rd dimension. If you don’t believe me read about the people who have near death experiences or meditate to the point in which they have full body orgasms and incomprehensible joy.  Somehow full body orgasm is our underlying truth – probably explains our society’s fixation on sex which is like having taco bell when we could have the whole enchilada :-). A philosopher once rebutted that chasing after a sheer emotion alone makes for a very inconsequential life. I’d be prone to agree after reading David Hawkins’ power vs force book where he describes the only state transcending full body orgasm is – peace. Being at peace. Which I guess is the prime state you are trying to accomplish in meditation – peace – just to be. No more worryign about x, y, z, no more full body orgasms no more joy no more suffering just what I call “whiting out” and peace. Not all of us want to white out life though so thus we are here with our steak double decker supremes with lava sauce.

I think my explanation kinda sucked and is wordy though without any real clarification so go read chapter 1 from that link above. It makes sense.