The 3rd Dimension – So little to say and so much time!!!

Hey it’s Reno girl part 2!
September 13, 2010, 7:00 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

New Year’s 2011 Revised edition – Updated Jan 4th, 2011

This is part 2 of a story. Part 1 is actually that post entitled 11 days to vegas – echoes of the game. Please read that first if you haven’t already or else this section will not make much sense to you.

The following events take place approximately 2 weeks after the events in my Vegas getaway. After the tumultuous time described earlier we decide to go to Reno to relax and continue where we left off somewhat. Timeframe for this is very early August. The events in part 1 of my reno story took place before the epic vegas trip on July 4th weekend. Thus is has been approx a month since I went to Reno (part 1 of the story) and 2 weeks since the epic vegas trip and the whirlwind of events that proceed it. For you visual thinkers here’s how it looks:

First reno trip (part 1 of story)

Epic vegas trip (cut short due to unfortunate circumstances)

Second reno trip (this story)

On with the show…

I put the keycard in the door and turn the knob once the green light flashes confirming my entry. The unassuming brown wooden door opens up to a scene from Imperialist Mexico. Hybrid Spanish-Mex architechture is seen all over the place as the bedroom opens up to fit in a king sized bed, spa, electronic pop up stand with television, and numerous fancy wood drawers all over the place. There is a small sink and personal ice machine along one wall – right next to a mini bar fridge. Large oil paint pictures are hung on the sides of the room – 2 or 3 of them in various corners of the room. A 3 or 4 seater circular table is flanked right underneath one of the oil paintings of a dock and ships. The bedroom/spa and everything else setup is like a huge studio apartment. Along the corner are 2 3 person couches and a nighstand. You’d think that with all this crap in one room it’d be kind of smooshed. Aww aww naww! There was enough space in the large empty middle cavity of the room to break dance if you wanted to without worrying about hitting anything. Another hallway to the side leads of into a large restroom hallway with an almost walk-in closet and 3 sinks. On the farther wall is one of those dressing room type 3 angle mirrors to indulge in one’s narcissism and self love. A plain white door leads further into the actual restroom which has a toilet and opposite that omfg a shower/personal steam room!!! All of this restroomy goodness encased in black marble walls inside this small chamber. Gdamn what a score!!! The spa suites at the Eldorado are some bomb diggity living emplacements! I guess knowing preferred casino players does have it’s advantages. Brings a smile to my face just thinking about the place.

It was about 6pm-ish that night and it was time to dress up for another night of gaming. The hot summer’s over in Reno don’t give much leeway for wearing anything halfway decent so it’s just beat up pants and beat up shirt to survive the onslaught of heat. It’s only at night when the mercury dies down a bit in which you can think about wearing something that doesn’t make you look like a total scrub. It was time to get ready so I open up my huge suitcase for this short 2 day trip. Given the chaos which had happened the last 2 weeks I never really unpacked the stuff I took to Vegas so for this trip I just took the entire case added some extra’s and hauled it off with me. You would’ve sworn this was a clown’s closet with the packed density of all the absurd things I packed in here. Cowboy hat from Vegas was still here along with blue game show shiny shirt and red snakeskin shirt SsssssSsss. A bunch of other clothes and styles to match every possible combination on the color palette lay folded up or thrown in some random crevice of the suitcase packed in so tight you’d think they were going to explode into a wrinkled mess upon being liberated. I just grabbed some after bath wear and headed off to try out the steam room! Oh boys this will be epic – I love the clean detoxy clear all your sinuses feeling a total mist treatment gives you.

Once I was inside the steam room I turned up the panel to full. I thought the contraption wasn’t working for a while until I started to see the steam pour out of a vented opening in the wall near the very bottom of the room. The room was quickly filling up with steam now. It was getting out of control but it felt good – real good. I can almost envision some random staticy voice from the SAW movies coming in at this point and going “Hello you, I want to play a game!!!” as the steam chamber locks itself while more steam pours forth. It was quite a load of steam though – I tell you that. The only annoying portion of this was the fact that all the steam would pour out from one small concentrated area near the floor of the chamber. Thus if you stood in one spot too long you would feel the temperature slowly rising up and eventually start to feel scalding. Because of this you had to move every miunte or so – kind of like that dragon fight in World of Warcraft or else you’d get steampressed to oblivion. I eventually found refuge on the raised portion of the platform by going on it in a crawling position. You couldn’t stand on the platform since the same scalding problem would somehow form so you had to practically crawl on the raised portion looking like you’re about to take it hard. Ironically this position offered refuge from the scalding steam heat. Eventually after 20 minutes of this I turned off the steam and turned on the shower to finish up. I felt so fresh and clean afterwards.

It was now time for me to decide what I would wear for tonight. In the back of my mind I entertained the succint possibility I may see Reno girl again so I had to look at least somewhat decent. I opened up the clowncase and tried on many of the clothes therein. God now I know how women feel before a night out to….. anywhere : – P! Tried one outfit on naaah too urbany. Nahh too cheesy. Nahh too regular. Nahh too tryhard (gg blue shiny shirt). etc… I also found out my snakeskin shirt did not fit anymore :-(. I guess this isn’t 2002 or 2005 anymore – my how things change. I remember I made the conscious decision to stop exercising regularly in September 2006 because it wasn’t really who I am. I guess 4 years later one starts to see the results of their long term choices. I look in the 3 way mirror and see 3 times the fat : – P. Good job fatty. I eventually fixed on a setup I tried earlier with some success business casual and blue jeans. I thought it said all the right things. I am a little classier and different than most men (or so I like to think : – P) but I’m not a stiffer I like to relax and have fun. It makes me look fit not somewhat overwight like snakeskin now does (though it was still my first choice for undershirt). Now I had to communicate that I am also so much more fun than you others out there! That’s why Vegas cowboy hat is going along on my head for the ride! Perfect! Pleased with the act I decide to see what was next on the agenda.

I call up the folks and I hear we were gonna try the steakhouse special at Circus Circus that I suggested a while back. Ads strewn all over the casino advertised a 4 course meal of your choice for only 20$ (now raised to 24.95 as of Sept. 😦 ). I meet everyone up and have the meal – it was a decent affair. I got the steakhouse burger and while I didn’t find it was anything too special it was decent. I still think the Kobe burger promotion in Vegas kicked it’s ass hard. The burger was so large that I had to take half of it as take out. After the meal we all go back to the suite again for an in room prayer dedication to grandma. Once that’s done we all decide to split off since it’s game time :-D! I head towards my usual thoroughfare at this point…

It is about 8:45 PM now and the sky is getting a bit reddish-bluish dusky as the sun is giving way to the moon. Apparently there is some super beefed up vintage car show going on tonight as the roads are blocked off to pedestrians while a never ending parade of vintage cars speeds off in pairs. The crowds are all chatting excitedly amongst themselves as the cars keep zooming by. Unfortunately because of this though I can’t cross the road to get to the other side :-O. The streets are blocked off for what looks like 8 blocks in both directions from where I am standing so it would be so not worth it to have to walk that far to find a break. Actually from the looks of it the cones in the distance curve off in the direction I want to go so it could be a rectangular racetrack with the point I want to go to in the middle. Damnit another cockblock!  Anyway I lose a bit of hope and decide to take the long journey anyway hoping to find an opening. Fortunately some indian family wanted to go through and a few cops waved the procession off and opened some of the pedestrian barriers. I quickly dashed across with them – success! 😀

I enter my favorite haunt and scan around making an initial assessment of my surroundings. Craps table excitement, hot girls, interesting things to do, pit boss positions, etc… I play a quick uneventful game of craps for one roll and about break even. I decide to venture further in the casino to look at what’s going on further in. Karaoke is blaring as usual with some drunken fool singing some country song of some sort. I scan the tables looking for blackjack with liberal rules. And then I see her! or do I? Is it her? Reno girl? Over at the table in the distance? I quickly dash off into an empty bank of slots to collect my thoughts and get ready for possibly seeing her again. Oh yeah real smooth me : – P. If Neil Strauss were dead he’d be double-pitching in his grave like a pair of badly controlled craps dice at what just happened. She didn’t see me since she was working a table out of line of sight but someone working the eye of the sky surveillance cams would probably be laughing his ass off at this point if he just saw what transpired and knew the story herein. Way to go reptilian brain. For some reason I thought I got over this kind of stuff in high school but I guess when I sat down at the slots to compose my thoughts I found out why I suddenly freaked out. I listen to my ego thought stream:

This is the girl you talked to last time you were in Reno…

Oh gods you asked for her contact info in front of – let’s see now…..   everyone!

Oh yeah and you left that “comment card” which was actually a restaurant comment card you crossed out all the restaurant shit from and put in your own comments to try and get this girl your contact info (because the place hasn’t had real comment cards for years). Either really smooth or really creepy bud!

Yeah she never got back to you – for all you know she could be really flattered – or hate you and all men and want to rip your entrails into multiple partitions (which could easily be accomplished by calling security) at the worst case due to misinterpretation of your comment card fiasco as some casino extortion scheme with dealer cooperation <— possible danger with that one

You gotta be prepared for her either being really into you or a really awkward game as she realizes omfg it’s “him” again…

Hey big boy you feel the pressure yet??? 😀

The role of the ego in the human psyche is to protect you from shame and harm because your ego is invested in your body for survival. Without the essential physical “you” alive and well your ego would cease to exist. Well screw that and it’s imaginary trappings of worst case scenarios that never play out!!! Pessimistic whore that ego is! If I left it up for the ego to run my life I’d probably be some crazed neurotic mess who poo’s all over his apartment and packs it in a poo lasanga in his bathtub ala Martin Random storytelling style (link – an excellent piece of writing by the way). I decide to disregard my not-so-better self and move in for the close!

I approach the table casually as if I were just passing through like I do with all the other tables just wanting to check out the rules and all. As I pass by the table I enter her line of sight. I look over at her and take a good quick glance – looks like her alright! Oh my it is her! Before I can consciously recall my next thought to fetch an opening line or smile or whatever have you she just cuts in casually with a very matter-of-fact tone smiling

So –  where’s the frog?

And with that time stops for me – just for few seconds. I really did feel and swear a lapse in time occured at that moment. Like one of those movies where right after a pivotal event the movie gets cut out and narration fills in their own afterthoughts of what just transpired.

Whatever was supposed to be next in line for mental processing was roughly ripped off the conveyor belt and replaced with (omfg she remembers me? yay!)  Oh and what – she looks – wait – IS happy to see me? She recognizes me even through this casual + cowboy hat setup? She’s not mistaking me for someone else? She knows about the frog?!

I look at her face specifically her smile. Oh my god she is so beautiful. I almost feel a tinge of unworthiness surface from the deep unconscious bowels of my mind as I just stare at her. Everything seems so surreal. God she is angelic. Everything in the world seems right for just that one moment.

And with that our tale plays out again. I really hope I didn’t just stand there with a wonderment double rainbow gasp for 25 minutes due to time compression. I quickly recover my composure and grin back and asked about how she knew about my plush green friend. She then mentions she likes my hat. She goes over to touch the brim out of curiosity. This is what exactly happened to Neil Strauss as he was wearing a cowboy hat in one of his tales. I did not go his route with the ‘Hands off the merchandise!’ line he fired back with as it would be too cliche and ruin the purity of this moment. If any of you read the book anyway you know he doesn’t succeed with that particular girl in the end anyway. We engage in small talk and I tell her I’m looking for some good blackjack tables. I let her know that if I win that I’d be back. She points me to one of the neighboring tables a few steps down – it is as she said double down on any number single deck w00t. I play a few hands and make about 23$ – it’s time to see Reno girl again.

While I was at the blackjack table I quickly renumerated a plan for my next moves. Let’s go over what we need to know so far:

Is she my type? How is this girl really like? I need hard facts no assumptions.

Is she really that into me?

Did she ever get my comment card? What did she think of it?

Does she like me because I am fun and interesting or only because I am a good tipper?

Is her interest in me genuine or feigned? Is she like this with everybody? Is she trying to manipulate me?


Women in their infinite wisdom needed to answer questions about a potential mate in the same fashion. Thus they invented the ingenius concept of a ‘test’. It is not in anyone’s fashion to directly ask questions like these to ascertain the truth about a person – you need to go under the radar. Thus the ‘test’ is born – you present a situation and you see how they react. Their reaction forms the basis of whether you pass or fail the test. Women do not test as men do though – men test deliberately with conscious thought. Women have gotten the science of testing down to an art – they do it unconsciously and can read the results with paranormal accuracy. It was time for me to try something out. I decided to go with the freezeout where you don’t talk to the girl much and don’t give her much of your attention. This sounds like a total dick move though – so why did I choose the freezeout? It is because of these 2 facts:

1) Last I left off I asked for her contact info. Thus she KNOWS I am interested in her. Thus I am at the disadvantage – she is winning the game so far. All the cards are (literally and figuratively) on her side of the table. A freezeout would let her know indirectly that I am not head over heels crazy about her – that I can leave at anytime – that I have standards that women would have to meet and I won’t grovel all over them just because they’re “hot”. Sure I like her enough to freak out in a casino I guess that’s a given. I am definitely prepared to fold the hand though if the cards aren’t to my liking.

2) I need to figure out if she likes me or not – how interested is she? Usually when women really like a guy they like to do what I call ‘leak’. Women usually leak more often than men but I’ve found that the behavior is not as gender specific as I’d thought. By leaking I mean the little things women do that make it all too obvious that they’re really interested in someone. The exaggerated body language, the giggles and smiles, the talking to them as if they were a couple language. The all too obvious flirting at times. I hung around many women in college who I knew were attracted to certain people and whenever they were around these people they acted totally different – they were leaking left and right. As if a 6th sense could tell that there was something different going on when they were around these people – attraction – as pook will later say in his book sexuality is the 6th sense (though I still think the 6th should belong to paranormal abilities 🙂 ). In a freezeout the woman will be spewing things left and right at you and vying to get your attention.

So once again the board is set and the pieces are moving. It’s game time! I take a seat at the roulette table and buy in for 10 bucks. It’s just me and her.

So do you know how to play? she asks

(the irony of the above statement wasn’t lost on me) Yeah. Let’s roll I reply as I make my initial starter bet to get around the table minimums – 5 on red and 4 on black! (or vice versa). Sadly there’s a 5% chance of losing it all if it lands on one of the Greens. It’s just my way of getting a history of wheel results to investigate a statistical bias in a certain area of the roulette wheel. Casinos employ this same strategy in their control rooms to close down wheels which are deviating towards one specific zone over a period of time.

Now it’s the moment of truth. By STFU’ing up and not letting my essence get in the way I can finally figure out what kind of person she is purely. Nobody around but us – it’s roulette not a very busy game like cards. Plenty of time for us to talk about whatever. She just looks kinda nonchalant about the whole thing. She hasn’t really said anything to me yet. Chips are dealt out and another round begins. I’m starting to feel the pressure of the awkward silence building up. It’s been a silent couple of minutes now. As I put my chips down on the table for another round of betting I succumb to the pressure. Nope – gotcha – I held my silence for a bit longer though I was really dying inside now. Basically it was like our first encounter when I first met her. She really didn’t say all too much unless you started a conversation with her. One would think I’d find that tiring and unattractive to always have to carry the convo. And to a degree I do but to a degree I also understand fully. You see I’m exactly the same way sometimes. I don’t have anything really pressing to say most of the time so I’ll just not say anything and just engage in whatever everyone else is into at the moment. And somehow this made me a little bit more human in my eyes – someone a bit more real and once again someone I can understand. I just wonder now if this was a natural or a conditioned response. You see when a woman is attractive and works in a high volume customer interaction job EVERY guy will run up to you and blab his heart out and hit on you mercilessly hoping to get mere crumbs of your attention. I thought about this truth intuitively but little did I know how true this would be until later on. To this day though I think inside she is just a bit introverted and job conditioning has only exagerrated the fact.

Anyway those thoughts above didn’t really take that long in my head as long as it took to read them. But eventually I did break and told her about my betting scheme. Call me crazy but I believe you can beat roulette – even though it has bad odds and all. She just thinks about it for a moment then goes in a somewhat passioned tone, “You know in the short term ANYTHING is possible” or something to that effect. I didn’t really think of it too much of it back then but later on I’d come to realize that she was indeed right when I was revising my thoughts about statistics and how they relate to the gambler. I continue playing. Other people come and go – mostly older men – surprisingly none hit on her like the usual norm at the blackjack tables. Eventually it’s just us again – I’m still kinda silent about the whole thing. She finally breaks and asks me if I saw the car show/parade outside. I nod and told her it was blocking my way and then I segued into the story about my brother putting subwoofers and trying to pimp out a Honda CRV. I guess she didn’t find that story too entertaining oh well. Small talk was meant to be small. Except when the speaker think’s it’s actually big 😀

I’m starting to get a little worried now. I wonder if she ever got my comment card but I didn’t want to ask directly. I was thinking she’d bring it up. I also wonder if she remembered that I asked for her contact info in front of a bunch of people at a table. She remembers me but besides the initial excitement at seeing me again she’s been pretty neutral about the entire affair like usual. By this point I’m betting on certain sectors as my analysis dictates but I am winning chips and then slowly losing them again. A double 00 hits as well and I lose 1/3rd my capital on one spin. By this time I decide to cut my losses and leave the table. I tell her I’ll wait for blackjack roulette isn’t really my game :-D. I’ve had 2 or 3 free drinks by this time though and I’m slightly buzzed. Somehow though I don’t really feel for her like I did the first time I met her. I was thinking maybe I was somewhat intoxicated during the July 4th events and that made me like her a bit exaggeratedly. Then again I’m not one of those people prone to seeing everyone as more attractive when buzzed. For me people just seem more approchable and friendlier and I feel a certain oneness with people when I’m under the influence. I chalk up my feelings about her to that and disappointingly move on. I remember wandering the casino thinking, “Welp – I’m free…” meaning free of my attraction to her from July. I start scouting around for some other game targets – nothing good atm. I veg out listening to some bad karaoke for a bit.

Eventually I come back to do some more blackjack. I find reno girl again at a table with 4 other guys college age and sit down with them. As usual all the guys are interested in her etc… I take down the empty center seat and she remarks, “He makes my tables lucky :-)”. You best believe it! I fire back while I tip my cowboy hat in her direction. We’re all playing cards again – seems like the other 4 guys all know each other. I try my semi freezeout again –  I start talking to the sausagefest at the table while only talking to her every so often. I don’t know why I did so I guess I was just curious to see how far I could take it. In retrospect I think I wanted to be the contrasting presence at the table. Four guys all obviously somewhat interested in her and me keeping my distance. Eventually I decide to distance myself again and play some craps at a nearby table. I’m just not feeling it at the moment for some reason.

While I’m shooting dice I can overhear the loud conversations a few tables away where I was just minutes prior. Yeah people are talking with her – reminds me of myself the first time around – just louder more aggressive versions of me. I was starting to accept the truth now that this was the norm for her. Deal at a table – have all the guys be anywhere from mildly interested to obviously interested in you. The convo is continuing – people are connecting – some other guy at the table has a similar school/career track, etc etc… I feel more typical by the second thinking about my first encounter with her. If it weren’t for my frog Rockstar (thats his current alias now) I bet I would’ve been lost in the same sea of men never to be remembered ever again. I remember some other dealers who were fun to talk to from months ago but when I sit down at their tables it’s blatantly obvious they don’t remember me at all. Those who don’t live are prone to remember the times they do I guess. Is life nothing but a few brash events on an endless blanket of trivial distractions? I wander off once again to get free drinks and enjoy the karaoke performances.

Sometime later I come back to reno girl’s table again – its a new table this time. If curiosity killed the cat then my curiousity will render the entire feline genome extinct! I don’t know why I am drawn to play this pattern out but I just feel the inner need to. This new table is made up of 2 brother’s – one bigger one who is a definite high roller player and one more my size who has this most badass billy idolish white hair growth mini goatee underneath the lip. I don’t know why that just screamed fcking badassness right there. I decide to lay off my freezeout though and start acting rational again. I start talking with her but she seems a bit neutralish-bored with me. She seems interested to talking to the big guy a lot more as he was making some really obvious come-ons and talking really loud and excitedly. I try to say a few things but this guy keeps drowning me out. I somehow feel like the freezeout is being reversed on me now – oh – so this is how it feels like lol 😀  Man this sucks : – P  High roller is putting down about 100 – 200$ per hand on his bets. Little bro seems to be doing about 20$. I’m right next to em with my paltry flat minimum bets! High roller mentions something about, “too bad you’re married…”   I look down at reno girl’s hand – yep – there’s a ring there. Why didn’t I catch that before? D’oh! Anyway I am not too fazed by this since I’m kinda over the whole reno girl thing but I can’t help but feel a little disappointed inside for some reason. High roller is losing cash bad – he’s down about 1200$ so he opens up his money purse chock full of 100’s and puts down another 1,000$ in playing capital. There’s a long delay as reno girl checks every single bill and lays them out before calling out the amount and getting confirmation from the pit that exchange took place.

High roller keeps the ball rolling – he mentions something about ages and asks what Reno girl’s age is. She wants us to play guess her age – I find this play kinda odd but we go along with it anyway. We all start putting down our guesses. I think I put down some real lowball estimate like 23 (she looks youngish to me). Some others are like 24 27 etc. She openly reveals her age as 30.

Now before we go on with the story I know what you’re thinking I think. Age is a concept very sacred to women. It is the near equivalent of penis length for men. No woman actively reveals her age just as no man walks down the street and goes como estan btches 8 inches (unless it really is – then all bets are out the window)!!! Usually when someone brags about peen or e-peen size they are lying just as women usually lie about their age if asked. Come on let’s face it – no woman wants to be old – no man wants to have 2 inches of stub luvvin. I have a hard time believing myself that she is 30 and that she would actively reveal she is OLD so quickly! All in all I’m trying to figure out this anomaly in the realm of woman psychology. I can only come up with 1 explanation – a friend of my later comes up with another:

1) I think she is trying to say, “Look at me I’m actually 30 but I look really attractive for my age!”

2) My friend thinks she is trying to say, “I’m 30 I’m old and unattractive now begone from my sight men!”

Time will reveal soon enough that #2 is closer to the truth – but that will have to wait until part 3 of the story (yes there’s more gasp). Anyway on with the story…

After getting the results I decide to reverse the game. This will be interesting. I ask everyone to guess MY age. High roller says 25, Little Bro says 28, Reno girl says 29. I find the results very interesting to say the least. I’m pleased with myself in that Reno girl thinks I am older than what I truly am. Seperates me from the endless sea of horny 22 year old college kids running around all over the place. Let’s face it we all know I’m about 14 in some aspects inside anyway :-). The show goes on they start talking about movies – Reno girl has never seen or heard of Tom Cruise’s Top Gun. As shocked as everyone is at the table I’m kind of happy – she isn’t a big movie or TV person either. I could care less at what someone more popular and richer than me is paid to do. Could care less about a fabricated fantasy. It’s been a while but let’s put in another +10 for compatibility. Now I am somewhat interested in her again – I want to salvage the interaction. I roll in with my “worst night ever” story I ripped from when someone mentions worst parties they’ve ever been to. It’s a shocker – I get everyone engaged and rolling and through the emotional roller coaster. I kinda lose steam after that though and soon enough the dealer’s change again. Reno girl gets swapped with much older but friendly girl. I decide to play out the rest of my chips before taking a break.

Some more time passes and it’s near 2 AM ish so I should start going soon. I tally up my SRR for this Reno craps session 5.4 not bad much better than Vegas. Still under the statistical breakpoint of 6 for average shooters and 7 for known dice controllers. I find Reno girl at a table on the far end of the casino – I decide to visit one last time before leaving. I sit down at the table and she barely acknowledges my presence. Yowch I’m getting the freezeout now. I am feeling somewhat meh with myself for trying that now. I don’t think I’d be trying it again in the future talk about instant karma. I buy in for 21 and this is pretty uneventful. Guy on the far end of the table keeps cracking the exact same joke OVER and OVER and OVER again. With each new shuffle he cheerily goes, “Top O’ the deck to ya!”  I really feel some primal annoyance rising from deep within me at this point. I try talking to her but she doesn’t seem to be all tuned in anyway. She seems more amused sadly at Mr. repetitive on the other end of the table. I take this as a sign that she is using my freezeout on me. Not one to be one-upped I decide to cash in my chips and leave the table soon enough.

I look over at the table next to her’s – I scope 3 hot college ageish girls at the table with 2 other guys flanking them from behind watching. There’s an empty seat on the far end. I decide to go for the set. I remember one of Mystery’s quotes in “Secrets of The Game…” something like win the men over and you will win the women over. I go up to one of the guys flanking the set and ask, “is this table good?”  The man disappointingly shakes his head and goes “No.”  I take that as a sign that this may be a bad set and move on. After all it’s all too obvious you’re interested in the women if you just take the seat regardless. I guess I could’ve come up with some snappy remark like so and take a seat but that would be corny. I also overheard the men talking to themselves and laughing as I leave so maybe they caught wind that it was my ploy to enter their realm. Was probably just the cowboy hat though – maybe the fact I may not have been the first guy to try and enter that set.

Eventually I leave and I drive home the next day getting some chinese food before going home. I feel kinda bad for some reason – the fog rolling in excaberates it in contrast to the Reno sun. The very next day I remember being at the McDonalds’ drive thru getting a Chicken McNugget mini meal. I feel somewhat sick inside and disappointed at what I did. I really think I took the wrong route with my freezeout. Me trying to be all slick and implicit like how women work and look where it gets me. Things were so much better the first time around when we connected and look at how much I can fck things up! It’s a repeating pattern in my life as well I seem to be good at ruining things. I spend the next few days surfing Steve Pavlina and related personal development sites once again in search for answers. I take some solace in Steve Pavlina’s Subjective Relationships article. I take responsibility for my actions and the reality I create for myself if it’s indeed all subjective. It was my curiosity and inner desire to see things play out the way they did.

At this point in the story I resign myself to the fact that we may not be going back to Reno for a long time since the next few weekends are event filled. Winter will be coming in soon as well so we may be going down to Vegas instead. I really left on a bad note. Yeah she may be married and all that but we’re still compatible and I failed to really push that fact at all to see if we are indeed more alike or different. At the very least we would probably be good friends. Even just acquaintances would’ve been better than just totally snubbing her off like that. And that wedding ring could be a lie just to keep away the hordes of horny bastards at the casino each night. I just don’t like ruining the open ended branch of possibility whatever it may be. In the long run there is always a reason why things like this happen I guess. In this case it’s a call to stop being scared and follow your heart through the unknown. This will be the underlying theme for Part 3 and things do start looking up again from this point!

I thought we wouldn’t be coming back to Reno for a while and she’d forget about me since I was such a hole but no one ever really knows what’s around the corner.


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