The 3rd Dimension – So little to say and so much time!!!

Moments before the Pinnacle
May 20, 2011, 7:00 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I believe the universe is an active conscious being. As a result the universe sends you messages to help you along your path. The universe’s emissaries are anything and everything around you. Signs, symbols, dreams, people, attitudes, beliefs, coincidences, things you perceive but not see in the background etc… all exert influence on you and your state of mind. The universe in it’s infinite politeness I guess whispers to you in passing at first or sends indirect clues – hoping you get the message. When you continually shrug them off or ask for more evidence the volume may get louder. Clues become direct statements and assertions. Coincidences start coming in at a higher rate. The volume rises and you hear it loud and clear but still you may decide not to act. You now wonder to yourself – I get the message – but why should I do what you want me to do? What makes you almost so – let’s say – arrogant… to dictate what’s best for me in a free will world? The question is asked and if the issue is of true worth and value to the great unknown an answer will fire back. And then you will be standing there, on the cusp, moments before the pinnacle. A first hand witness to the climax about to occur…

The real deal

For the longest time I thought about exercise my mind always had an instant response at the ready, f*ck it!!! You see I am not the same person I was 5-6 years ago – not to the same degree. Though you can’t always change a person’s true nature easily there is always some degree of influence that is exerted by a person’s environment which in turn starts to reshape a person’s beliefs about the world. In other words you may not change my mind but the seed is planted. The plant will probably die off but on some subconscious level a certain sort of taint occured which will leave a mark in my consciousness. When people ask why I don’t exercise anymore I always give them the same riddling answer, “… because I did it for the wrong reasons.” What are the wrong reasons? I did it so that people would like me more, to inflate my ego, to be better (but not out of self love but out of a need for validation) and to project the IMAGE of being a “good model citizen optimal boy cookie cutter” blech! I could care less about strength and flexibility and health and discipline and self improvement and whatnot. I just wanted to get more of what I wanted – exercise was just the manipulative tool of the day. Male breast implants and diet pills if you will. This was the me years ago which led me down a path of destruction and led me to some new agey period where I re-evaluated and reconstructed my belief systems. In turn the results were outstanding internally – but externally – let’s just say – exercise had to go. I no longer had an ego – I no longer yearned for validation – I was happy with who I was – and in that I reached a sort of stagnant peace with myself. Any peace is relaxing after spending almost 2 years of looking at the mirror and feeling intense hate well up inside you. With that peace and loss of the ego came the loss of exercise though – as my reasons for exercising no longer existed in my head.

On the topic of exercise it wasn’t that I was totally anti-exercise. I recognize a minimal degree of movement and conditioning is needed to function in a 3rd dimensional world. I was just against ‘ unnecessary exercise.’ I had faith in the human body and the grand divine design. I have faith that if you’re sedentary that the body will adapt and turn off systems and change behaviors as to fit your new personality. Has that faith been shaken? Yes on the surface but internally I still think the body is the greatest machine ever built!  Sure my diet hasn’t changed and my appetite hasn’t shrunk ever since I started becoming more sedentary than not but I blame it not on the design of the machine but the implementation and environmental damage through evolution.

I have a certain soft spot for articles that don’t advocate constant exercise. Indeed in our modern world we don’t move much but every so often I think about the formative years of human evolution. People didn’t mindlessly lift weights and run around in deformed circles either and other than violent death or infection people were generally healthy. A lot of Weston Price material I read depicted these happy carefree societies without toothbrushes and exercise and disease in harmony with the natural flow of nature. People with perfect bodies, strong bones, all teeth with no cavities, strong even at old age, happier, and more at peace than their civilized counterparts despite the lack of modern conveniences and pleasures. I always thought of exercise as wasted effort and indeed it is. You spend time dressing down, pre-showering, lifting a weight above and to the side, shower again, redress again and at the end you just spent 2 hours damaging yourself in hopes of long term gains – which like never come – and when they do your sedentary lifestyle just ensures you lose them much more quickly than you got them. An endless torture chamber – a game of tennis against the wall – there has to be a better way. All this wasted effort you spent exercising could have been used cleaning up the garage or gardening or moving packages around for people. Wasted energy that could’ve been spent lifting someone for the elderly or the injured. A gym a mockery of the human condition – a building we go to just to waste vital energies and then get raped in the wallet each month for it. Back before the exercise craze in the 60’s and 70’s I can’t cite this fact –  but it seemed common knowledge that exercise was just “a waste of vital energies that could have been better applied in the pursuit of something more worthwhile.” Indeed I still hold that conservative view and it is not yet broken – but yet…

The world has a certain way of manipulating events and coincidences to get desired results – results that in the long term actually help you towards your goals (as much as they may not seem like it in the beginning). A lot of the crap which had happened years ago I look back and realized that if they had not happened I’d still be the same old undeveloped unconscious bigot I was in the past. It is because of this record of past wins that I have a certain inherent trust in the universe and all that it presents. And this is where the universe starts sending implicit messages. Slowly at first, the relatives telling me I was getting ‘fat’ and ‘needed to exercise’. Then it started getting closer to my inner circle – people telling me I needed to lose some weight. Then it started drifting into more varied routes – seduction and self improvement material tooting their horns about the benefits of testestorone – a synthetic elixir of manhood distilled most naturally from exercise. Sure I could take shots and pills and pads but the instant results have a karmic sort of punishment to them in which your body becomes dependent and no longer produces it’s own testosterone. From there it got even wilder – people at checkout counters and banks accidentally calling me ‘Ma’am’… WTF?! Am I turning into a woman now? Last I checked in the mirror all the equipment was still there and working. The true mediator of male/female polarity is not gender – it’s testosterone. Butch females have hordes of it and effiminate males have none of it. Now people are calling me fat and a woman!!! (not that it’s a bad thing – only if you’re male :D). In fact if you can’t tell from my various past posts I love women and hold them in high regard (in the past – an almost unhealthily TOO high regard). Anyway the volume was picking up but I chose to let all the signals bounce. After all – it was just ego testing name calling and subtle insulting – rain off a steel roof for those without much ego. Ho ho ho midgets – you think you can stop me? If I were to change I wanted real concrete and irrefutable evidence that would make me cry. Insults and false ascertations and whatnot do nothing for me – give me cold hard facts and cold calculating truth. I don’t give a rat’s ass if the whole world thought I was a fat chick – I know where I stand and I’m damn proud of it.

At this point in time the universe probably shrinks into itself a bit and evaluates whether or not this matter is really worth pursuing. If not the coincidences and events stop and it lets you go on your own merrily little way. If the matter is important though the universe will call your bluff and raise you all in on it. All in all I could care less about what people and the universe thought. I’d thought to myself, ‘fat girl was going to make it!!!’ Fat girl was going to run his mobile casino and have a blast without having to drive 200 miles up. Fat girl was going to learn card counting and dice control to the degree that when he does go up he’ll always come home with a few hundred benjamins in tow. Fat girl was going to get all he wanted out of life and beat all odds. Fat girl would learn how to do dope freestyle rap that would make even eminem cry in continuous orgasm at my dope rhymes and skillz. Fat girl would meet hot intelligent conscious girl and have hawt lesbian action each night. Fat girl would start his own phat business and just sit back and watch trillions roll in at a service that would bring true and undisputed value to the human race. And most of all fat girl didn’t need any of you to do it!!!!! Fat girl was no longer dependent on your love and ego and support and validation. Fat girl would do it all on his own and outshine all the other stars in the sky…

And with that I did what I always wanted to do. I ran my mobile casino and took it to everyone’s house (sometimes without their consent 😀 ). I did what I was set out to do and I didn’t give a damn about what anyone else thought – after all this was my dream. This was my payback for all the years I’ve supplicated and apologized and bandwagoned and tried to please others – now it’s pwning time!!! And one lovely day I just happened to be doing my thing lifting my mobile casino in and out of the car as usual and suddenly in some paranormal flash of time days later  I suddenly can’t use a leg for a day due to immense hip pains. The universe broke the volume on it’s volume knob. No longer content with it’s ignored messages it calls in the big guns and breaks me down right on the spot. The pain has subsided but the psychological and some physical damage has not. I get it checked out and thankfully everything on the MRI checks out as normal with the usual disc aging syndromes around the L4 – S1 spinal area. Despite this though something is different – the shot around the world has been fired and now there’s no turning back. My belief systems shaken to the core overnight. My muscles in the back and legs still feel a bit weaker than before.A physical theraphy order which leads to me forced corrective exercises next week. A series of coincidences which lead me to the PT site and a 1 in a million event that lands me an exercise related prize right on my desk merely seconds after I get the PT order. Yes once again the board is set and the pieces are moving. There is no turning back now – here I stand waiting in wonder – moments before the pinnacle. The universe has collected up all of my manifesto’s and philosophies and all at once I feel it is about to let them go in one gigantic climax.


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